i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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