I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
