You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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