We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
