all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize