I didn't shave. On purpose
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
