I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
