My hand turned me down
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
