My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
