I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize