I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
