Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
