and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize