doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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