I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
my poor anus
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize