we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need water and some morals
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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