fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I believe in your delicious
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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