I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
