Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
