He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
