Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
