Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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