just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize