is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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