Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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