we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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