Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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