the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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