I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
