One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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