You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
