I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
