Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
