We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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