Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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