xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
false alarm. still invincible.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Girls should come with a carfax report
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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