Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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