in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
