she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
