If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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