He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
