There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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