I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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