Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
