she takes plan B like it's going out of style
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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