Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
