you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
