So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
