I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
