At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need water and some morals
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
