Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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