I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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