So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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