Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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