Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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