and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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