im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
