everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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