Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
