It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
