Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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