I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
