Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
