You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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