Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
