If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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