Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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