he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
