I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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