PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
