He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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