Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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