i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
