my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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