I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
