I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
