i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
