i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
