New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
