I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Fuck appropriateness.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
porn star boner night. come get it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
