what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
