Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
