I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
