My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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