What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
