i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize