I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
