Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
