Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
