I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
