He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
