Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
