A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
