I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
