No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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