remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i think i just lost a toe
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
