im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
