Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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