If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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