So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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