Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
