Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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