Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
