is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
