You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
