test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
