worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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