Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
