So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
