Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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