I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
