just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
