Redeem this text for a blowjob
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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