were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
