My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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