she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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