Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
smell my finger.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
