you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
