Pregnant stripper...not hot.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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