So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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