I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
