probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
